Natural Born Spring Breakers

Last night Kara and I saw Spring Breakers and I was blown away.

Written and directed by Harmony Korine, this film starring James Franco, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, Rachel Korine and Gucci Mane. was not what I was expecting, not at all. Color, light, and camera technique were used to create an interesting film with crisp dialog, and surprising twists. There were unexpected allusions to Scarface, Requiem for A Dream, and Natural Born Killers. There was real acting going on here, and there was a much more fully realized film than I had ever suspected. This is not a film for kids, people who dislike gratuitous sex, drug use, or violence. However through the lens of this excess there is a frightening and compelling film. See Spring Breakers.

How to Visit the Strip Club, part 1

When I wrote about the Bachelor party in my previous post I got some great positive feedback. It seems like there are a lot of guys who just didn’t know. They didn’t think about that stuff. I guess if you haven’t been married three times you don’t learn from your mistakes. I mean Ideally you only want to have one bachelor party but in 2013 the odds of that are against you. Yes the fifteen years behind the wheel helped me learn the dos and don’ts.

Personally I’ve probably spent ten thousand hours in clubs over the years. I’ve worked in strip clubs, I’ve drank in strip clubs, I’ve dated strippers. It’s odd. When you work in nightlife you don’t meet normal women. When you do meet normal women they commonly leave skid marks when they leave. When you can’t make plans on the weekends because you are always working. When you can’t go to a club or a bar anywhere and not see people you’ve known and worked with. Well, some women don’t like that. Mostly normal women but I digress.

The first strip club I worked in was sometime in 1988. I was a barback. I’ve worked as a floor host and a manager as well. I’ve done promotions, planned theme nights, thrown parties, and I’ve spent a lot of money making mistakes. So if you have never been to a club, and you want to go or have to go I can help. Really, it won’t hurt anything but your wallet.

Strip clubs are graded on a scale just like your grades. You have A clubs, B clubs, C clubs, D clubs and F clubs. You can get out of some for under a hundred dollars, others you can spend thousands. One local guy in Clearwater claimed he got “ripped off” for fifty thousand dollars in one night. The disputed credit card charge was upheld, according to local legend he’d disputed similar charges before. That’s a great deal of money, and from personal experience the most I’ve seen anyone spend was about fifteen grand. What can you get for that kind of money? Well, probably not as much as you think.

Contrary to most people’s prejudices strip clubs aren’t necessarily whorehouses, and strippers aren’t whores. With apologies to Chris Rock, sometimes there is sex in the champagne room. However that doesn’t happen in a good club, and it never happens in an A club. For the purposes of this article we’re talking about A clubs or B clubs. We’ll talk about C and D clubs another time.

Fun Fact #1 The laws are different everywhere.

Let’s just assume for the sake of argument that you aren’t one of the guys that goes to a strip club at noon for a few pops. It’s probably about ten o’clock at night and you’ve just finished a sumptuous meal at some corporate steakhouse chain and one of the guys from work says that you are going to see “this girl he met the other night”. He didn’t meet her at the mall, he was there already. Anyway, not wanting to be a killjoy you go with them. Usually you’ll pay ten bucks a head or more. Some clubs you’ll pay fifty. This depends on a couple of factors. If the club serves alcohol you usually pay a lower cover charge. If a club doesn’t have alcohol you pay more.

Yes, even in this enlightened age some states, counties, or cities don’t allow naked women and alcohol in the same bar. Some of the last “blue laws” in American jurisprudence revolve around stripping. Now the strip club business has not changed in my lifetime. Actually I doubt that it has changed much ever. Strip clubs are about fantasy, not reality.

For strippers the job is a job. For most of them this isn’t a career. I have met some amazing women who were “entertainers” which is a very nice way to say stripper. Writers, Moms, addicts, and some of the world’s greatest Liars. They are there to work and make money. They usually don’t take their work home with them.

Being a stripper is about lying. There’s a great line in a movie called The Goods where one of the characters says that to a girl that strippers come in three kinds: Single Mom, College Student, and Crack Whore. Then he asks the second girl how old her kids are and the third girl starts crying. It’s a funny aside, but the skinny is true. Women don’t usually plan on taking their clothes off for money. However it is what she does now.

I guarantee that if you are reading this you are the most interesting, witty and funny man in the room. As long as you keep giving her money. When you stop or if you say no she’ll just go on to the next guy and the next. This is a numbers game, and it isn’t about dollars any more. It’s about twenties, fifties, and hundreds.

The first thing that you’ll notice is that everything is slightly more expensive than a regular nightclub. Okay, it’s a lot more expensive, but you are buying atmosphere. By atmosphere I mean tits. In Los Angeles I think I paid $10 for a beer, and twenty for vodka soda for a lady. Ladies drinks are one of the great ripoffs in some strip clubs. The girls get big glasses with fruit and juice for $20 to $50 and sometimes they even have alcohol in them. In better clubs all the drinks are equally overpriced. Enjoy your drinks, but moderate your intake. Men do not have self control around beautiful naked women who really seem to like you. So getting drunk can be very expensive.

Fun fact #2 Spend Money

Unless you want to look like the leering idiot make sure you get some singles. If you are sitting at the stage tip every single girl a buck or two. Yes, I said every single girl. Even if you aren’t sitting on the stage you should tip girls that catch your eye. Some places have the girls wear the classic garters and you slide them in politely. Some clubs don’t allow you to touch the girls and you just make eye contact and slide the money on the stage. Other places you just hand it to the girl. You can ask the waitress or the floor host what is customary for the club that you are in, and you can also watch the crowd.

Eventually some girl or another or all of them will ask you if you want a dance. There are different rules everywhere for those two. The most common is the $20 Thee DollHouse style table dance. You give the lovely lady of your choice $20 per song and she gives you a personal dance right in front of you This dance is usually sans top but with panties on. Watch your hands, and try not to be a complete pervert. Table dances can be really enjoyable, sensual, and fun.

Some places charge more, very few charge less. There are usually rules. The girls don’t mind if you ask where to put your hands. As a matter of fact most of them really appreciate it. Here in Florida we have contact allowed. That means that you can touch the girls within limits. Each girl has her own likes and dislikes. Yes her ass and tits are hanging out, in some clubs the girls are just walking around naked in high heels, but that doesn’t mean they are fair game. This is doubly true if you can’t get the fishhooks out of your pockets and tip a girl. Rule of thumb, don’t touch someone in their “bathing suit area” without permission.

Now in addition to table dancing there are also VIP rooms in many clubs. This is somewhere you go and pay $5 to $10 per minute to have a girl dance privately for you. A half hour VIP room in an average club is $300 and includes one girl. I’ve seen VIP rooms at clubs that got for $1,000 an hour plus girls at $300-$500 a pop. This isn’t for sex. I am sure sex has happened in many clubs, probably even many that’d surprise me, but most places and most girls are pretty clean. Clubs that have VIP rooms do allow touching and maybe even a little fondling, but they have cameras.

Fun Fact #3: There are cameras everywhere.

In an A and B clubs surveillance is the name of the game. They have cameras everywhere, some places even have casino style cameras hidden. These are used for security, loss prevention, and evidence. If you fuck up on camera you need to assume someone is watching. If you whip it out in the VIP room you should assume that you have just forfeited your money, along with your self respect. If someone is watching there is a strong possibility that a large man with no neck will shortly be showing you the door. Sometimes at significant velocity.

Fun Fact #4: Sometimes you can eat too.

I visited Palm Beach a few weeks ago on business and had time to have dinner at Rachel’s. This is the World Series, Super Bowl, and Stanley Cup of strip clubs. There can be a hundred or more girls on the floor at any one time. The setting is palatial, and the service and food were extraordinary. I had a mixed green salad followed with a ribeye cooked to perfection served au poivre with a side of asparagus. Dessert was a fantastic creme brulee topped with a raspberry caramel prepared tableside. I was in a great mood and drinking Macallan 12. The check was about $200 and that might be a bit spendy but the company was excellent. Now not all clubs have food at this level. As a matter of fact no other strip club restaurant I’ve eaten at in America compares, but the food is usually well-prepared and well-served even if it is expensive.

If you are lonely you might even find a lovely girl to share dinner with you, but you will probably need to tip her at least a hundred dollars an hour for the pleasure of her company. No, you don’t get a discount for buying dinner, cheapskate.

Fun Fact #5: It’s an act.

No, she’s not really a twenty-two year-old, bisexual nymphomaniac who has a fetish for slightly overweight, funny, successful, middle-aged men. However she has a 7 series BMW and two kids in private school. She might be married, she might be a lesbian. She’s working and you can have a fantastic time with her. She’ll laugh at your jokes, share a few drinks, do some dances. She’s going home alone, and you might be going home to bottle of lotion and a towel. Get over it and just enjoy yourself. As an aside, working in the sex industry is a wonderful way to develop or nurture a deep and abiding dislike of men.

A stripper in an A club spends a lot of money to look good. She has weekly manicures and pedicures, she has hair appointments, hours in the gym every week, and sometimes significant plastic surgery. Unless you make over $200k annually you can’t afford her. If you do make that much god bless you.

Why does every underemployed twentysomething guy in an Affliction t-shirt and a pair of Levis think that he has enough game for a go? Guys, back off. Most of the girls you think you are doing so well with are laughing at the size of your penis. These girls are professionals. They aren’t looking for a husband, or a boyfriend. If they wanted to date you then you probably couldn’t handle the fact that whether they are good girls or bad girls they do sex work for money and every time she leaves for the club you are going to wonder if she’s going to meet someone better that night.

If you go to an A club and don’t spend $100 you didn’t spend enough. Say you go for two hours. Cover is $20. You tip $40 in singles, usually two or three at a time. You spend $40 on drinks just for yourself. You get a couple of table dances and $200 isn’t hard to spend. Add a VIP room for good measure and you are easily over $500.

You should look nice. If you are wearing Nikes, a Lakers jersey, and a wifebeater then you usually aren’t getting in. Wear a collared shirt and a pair of jeans. Some clubs don’t even allow sneakers. Shorts, ball caps, and sandals are usually against the rules. Now if you have an NFL players card or a black AMEX they might make an exception.

My local strip club is OZ Gentlemen’s Club in Clearwater Florida. Some of the best strippers in the world work in Florida. Yes I have been to Vegas, Toronto, New York, LA, and San Francisco and yes it is all very nice but Florida has the best strip clubs in the world. Rachel’s is probably first among them, but Tampa’s Mons Venus, and Scarlett’s in Hallandale are also world famous for a reason.

I think that there is more to say than a single post can hold. So I guess this is part one. Stay tuned for part two and maybe three. Who knows, this could get weird.

---

Ross Winn is a freelance writer, dad, and chauffeur who lives and works in Clearwater Florida. His first novel is Never One to Quit: A Novel About Women and it isn’t cyberpunk either, but it is available on Kindle, iBooks, Nook, and Amazon.

The cost of an iPhone

The cost of owning an iPhone 5 on each of the four major carriers in the USA is here. The cheapest of these is about $2300 over two years. I use a company called SimpleMobile. Their plan is $42 per month including taxes and fees, while the story I linked to above excludes the taxes and fees. So that makes the service plan cost $504 per year. So if you bought an unsubsidized iPhone 5 32GB from Amazon for $838 you would still only spend $1846 for the same two years. If you bought an unsubsidized iPhone 4S from Amazon for $629 you’d save roughly another $210. Of course, if you buy an unlocked Nexus 4 from Google Play for $349 you save half the total cost of ownership of an iPhone. That’s right, you are paying Apple about $500 a year on most carriers for the privilege of buying apps, music, and movies from them using their software.

I’m just saying...

The Bachelor Party

I’ve been driving a limousine as a part time job, a full time job, and a hobby for almost fifteen years. I’ve driven rock stars, actors, athletes, and billionaires. The sexiest person I’ve ever driven was probably Kelly Preston, the most fun was definitely Dmitri Young. I’ve driven hundreds of people, and in my entire experience only about a dozen people have ever gotten the bachelor party correct.

Bachelor parties are one of the more archaic rituals in the American lexicon. In other countries they are called Stag parties, Buck parties, or some other testosterone fueled celebration of a man’s “last night of freedom” before entering into marriage. This event is usually planned by the best man, though if he lives in a remote location he might cede this right to another of the groom’s friends. Being local is important, but not essential.

As a point of explanation, let me tell you about how a bachelor party can go wrong. One of the bachelor’s friends rents a van and everyone drives to a bar. Three people show up already drunk and insist on driving themselves. Two of the guys have $40. The party leaves the first bar after someone asks the bartender to take her top off and gets thrown out. Everyone drives to the strip club. The two broke guys can’t get in. Someone has to pay for them or they wait in the car. One of the drunk guys throws up in the parking lot before they even get inside. Someone starts a fight. Leaving the club the van gets pulled over and the Police take the driver to jail, one of the drunk drivers gets in an accident, and somebody throws up on the groom. The groom is walking home when he gets hit by a car and the hooker gives someone an STD.

Of course you think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. I’ve seen every one of these things happen personally, and some of them several times. I’ve personally bailed some of these idiots out of jail, picked them up at the Emergency Room, and I’ve read about worse. The former Marine who died after falling in the river because his friends thought it would be hilarious if they chained a bowling ball to his drunk ass and made him carry it from bar to bar. He stopped on a footbridge to piss, fell in the water and drowned. I’m not saying that you can’t have a good time though. It’s just that nobody needs to go to jail and nobody needs to die.

I’m going to talk about local bachelor parties. If you are flying to Vegas or Atlantic City that kind of party is different, It’s probably outside the scope of this article but the rules apply.

So these are Ross’ rules and an example of the best Bachelor party I was ever a part of.

Nobody drives:

The biggest buzzkill in the world is a DUI. By some measures almost two thousand people a day are harmed in alcohol-related accidents just in the USA. Don’t be a statistic, and if you want to bar-hop hire a limousine or a bus.

Now many people say that this is just a personal preference because I am a chauffeur and that’s how I make money. I say bullshit, and here is why. There are hundreds of ways to throw a bachelor party without a limousine, all you have to do is carefully choose the location. You ideally want somewhere within walking distance of a restaurant, a nightclub, a strip club, a casino, and a hotel. Vegas and Atlantic City work best for these, but there are probably some places near you too. Do a little legwork.

The host stays sober:

As much as it seems from popular lore that everyone just gets trashed someone has to be responsible. It’s not going to be the groom, and it’s not going to be the chauffeur. At least it shouldn’t be the chauffeur unless you pay him to also be the host. That means at least a hundred dollars over the standard tip. Now this doesn’t mean that the host can’t have a few drinks, unless he’s the chauffeur, but he can’t be significantly impaired.

Involve your girlfriend:

If you have a girlfriend, wife, or significant other it is important to involve them in this process. They need to know what you are doing and when you are coming home. They need to be assured that you are safe and sound. This doesn’t mean you cannot have a good time, but it you are going to break up with someone over a bachelor party then you probably have more issues than this article can address.

The point of a bachelor party is to send your buddy off in style and among friends. The bachelor party is usually an all-male affair but not always. Most of us have female friends who are both straight and gay, we also have male friends of both stripes as well. This article assumes that the groom is male and the bride is female, but it isn’t a condition. Bachelor parties are usually all-male. There are those with the occasional woman, but it is important that she not be intimately involved with anyone else in the party. Not because it makes her or her lover uncomfortable, but because it may make other of the guests uncomfortable.

If you are broke stay home:

Bachelor parties are expensive. If you don’t have the money don’t be the idiot who just tags along, makes a friend buy you dinner, sits in the car, and doesn’t buy any drinks. Realistically if you don’t have $200 to spend its probably not a good idea. If you are hosting the party make sure that everyone is paid up as much as possible before you leave.

The party schedule:

This is an eight hour party schedule. I have seen parties that lasted as much as three days however that’s probably a little excessive. This is what I consider a happy medium.

Meeting up and dinner:

About 4pm the guys all meet up at a local restaurant. Intelligent people will get dropped off by their significant others, girlfriends, or wives. Nobody has car keys or house keys, and nobody will be tempted to drive drunk later. More deluxe versions of the bachelor party will meet up at a hotel restaurant after checking in. This is also true of out of town guests. It’s important that everyone eats and that everyone has a safe exit strategy.

If you are unlucky enough to be working the next morning make sure you have cab fare or your rides number with you. When you have to leave do so quickly and quietly, remember that the party isn’t about you.

Gambling

One of the cardinal directions of the Bachelor party is gambling. If you have a casino around, be it a Native casino or Harrah’s, make sure you play a few hands. Two or three hours is usually sufficient. Casino bars are also great because they are usually pretty cheap and there are lots of people around. Many friends might not be able to make the whole event because of work or school related stuff. Still they can come by the restaurant or the casino and buy the groom a drink and say hello. Just remember that the no drunk driving rule still applies.

Strippers

Strippers and strip clubs are another of the cardinal points of the bachelor party. Like anything else there are just a few rules to follow. The host needs to find the right strip club and this requires a little research as well. Call or visit a time or two. Ask for the manager, explain that you are hosting a bachelor party. Find out what they charge for drinks, dances, and cover. If you have a chauffeur ask them too.

I always have one or two strip clubs that offer free cover for the entire party or a free round of drinks to the entire party of they charge cover. Many clubs will pay your chauffeur to bring the party to the bar. It’s not usually a huge amount, probably $5 per person if they pay cover. As a chauffeur I’d rather that the club give the bachelor party something free. My tips are usually better that way.

Everyone should enjoy themselves, tip the dancers, and have a great time. They all just need to realize that strippers aren’t hookers, they aren’t animals, and they need to be treated with some level of respect. You wouldn’t walk into a Denny’s, grab the hostess’ tits, and loudly ask how much for a blowjob. Strip clubs are mostly about fantasy, and if you want a hooker the least you can do is be discrete and ask politely. I am sure I’ll write about strip club etiquette at some point in the future.

Winding up and winding down:

After the debauchery has finished up and it is very much not closing time you have some options, these are the ones that I think work the best. The last stop of the evening should always be a regular bar. Whether it is the hotel bar or the local Dew Drop Inn that is where everyone parts ways. The girlfriends should show up and drive everyone home safely. Of course this means that after the bachelorette party that the guys get to stay sober for the girls too.

Tips for the successful reveler:

Avoid shots. Whether you drink wine, beer, or hard liquor shots are usually the sign of an amateur and a horrible idea. Mixing shots is a freshman mistake. A bachelor party is about friends and the groom, not alcohol poisoning and vomit. This is why hydration is also important. If you are starting to get stupid remember to drink water and don’t mix. Switching between fermented and distilled spirits is usually a recipe for disaster but your mileage may vary. Yes I know lots of people that can drink like vikings, however almost everyone vastly overestimates their alcohol tolerance.

The best bachelor party ever

The absolute best bachelor party ever was thrown about 2002 here in Florida. This is a completely subjective ruling, and the names have been changed while my attorney advises me on the statute of limitations, or not.

The party started on Thursday. Between 3pm and 8pm each of the guests arrived. Some were local, some traveled by car and plane. They all stayed in the same hotel. This was a full service hotel with a restaurant and bar, and the best man even negotiated a special rate. Thursday night at 9pm the party met for drinks and dinner. Friday morning a limousine picked up the eight of them for an 11am tee time at a private course in Tampa. Everyone returned about 5pm and enjoyed a nap and went to dinner together at 8pm. After dinner about 11pm they enjoyed a few hours each at Thee DollHouse and Mons Venus then back to the hotel. Sunday morning they all enjoyed brunch together and departed their separate ways in the afternoon. It was expensive, and honestly I think that the guys just went to the strip clubs because they felt it was de rigueur. These eight guys who had known each other for most of their lives had the best time I’ve ever seen. Sure it probably cost them about $1500 each for the weekend, but it was awesome.

Conclusion:

Bachelor parties are great. Friends, food, drinks, and dancers are all great ways to have a great time. You don’t need hookers, explosives, and fire trucks just to have a party.

About the Author:

Ross Winn is a freelance writer, chauffeur, personal assistant, and Dad. His first novel, Never One to Quit: A Novel About Women is available on Kindle, Nook, iBooks, and Amazon.

My top cyberpunk novels

There has been a huge amount of renewed interest in cyberpunk as a literary form in my collective subconscious. Part of this is the resurgence in the RPG community with the announcement and social media surrounding 2077, but part of it is the time. Several of the most popular Cyberpunk novels were set in the next few years. Likewise Cyberpunk the RPG was set in 2013 and 2020 respectively. So we are now literally living in the future. Several people have asked me lately what are the best examples of the form in my opinion. So rather than answer those inquiries separately I’ve come up with this list.

Now these are my opinions. These are the novels that spoke to me clearly, succinctly and loudly. I understand you might have loved Book X, but it didn’t speak to me. I do not consider this a listing of quality, sales, or anything else. This is just what I liked most of all and what moved me as a writer.

#10 Heavy Weather In retrospect I think this is Bruce Sterling’s best cyberpunk novel. More accessible than Schismatrix, less oblique than The Artificial Kid. Heavy Weather succeeds and works on many levels. Hs other work Islands in the Net was a very close #11.

#9 Gorgon Child Steven Barnes is sometimes underrated as a writer. This novel is important to me for a couple of reasons. One, Aubry Knight is a really flawed character and he grows and develops on many levels. This work very much speaks to the idea of family, sexuality, and gender identity. Neither Streetlethal before it or Firedance afterwards comes close to the creative whole presented here.

#8 The Glass Hammer This is Jeter’s only true cyberpunk novel in my opinion. I think it is also his best novel. His other work is much more late New Wave. The spiritual, technological, and intellectual ideas here are fantastic.

#7 City Come A-Walkin’  So much has been written about John Shirley that even writing a review is daunting. This book sets the prose style and standards for the entire genre. The writer here is musical, literary, and cinematic in his most influential if not most popular work.

#6 HardWired The opposite of When Gravity Fails, HardWired is the quintessential American cyberpunk novel. All wrapped up with the imagery of the American west and the iconic characters of Cowboy, Sarah, the Dodger, and more.

#5 Trouble & Her Friends This book came very late to the party and in a metaphorical sense it arrived with a bottle of whiskey in her hand and her shirt off screaming, “let’s party!” Melissa Scott created not just a great story but a real world that is fully inhabited by her characters. Also for the first time there was a real reason and subculture behind the idea of interface and the developing technology. Why would anyone in their right mind get a plug drilled into their head? Read this book, and you will know.

#4 When Gravity Fails This story not only has a fantastic set of characters it has a fantastic setting. The book is incredibly well constructed and stands the test of time. This is also the book that ripped the idea of cyberpunk literature out of the American experience for me and made it global. Effinger’s voice is sorely missed in the worlds of speculative fiction.

#3 Neuromancer There is no substitute and I doubt a more reviewed novel in Science Fiction. I don’t have a great deal to add, just a few notes. This book is stunning in it’s complexity and subtlety. Furthermore, taken within it’s historical context there is no book more groundbreaking since Stranger In a Strange Land.

#2 The Long Run This is one of the few cyberpunk novels ever written that is both part of a larger body of work, but stands completely alone stylistically. I’ve considered this to be one of the great caper novels and the best chase novel I’ve ever read. The characters are incredibly evocative and memorable, the pace is relentless, and the ending is perfect.

#1 Synners There is a startling symmetry to Pat Cadigan’s incredible story of love, sex, music, and revolution. I cannot describe how deeply this novel affected me. Let me just say that this work still informs and illuminates my internal monolog more than twenty years after I first read it.

Snow Crash doesn’t make the list, and I don’t know why people rave about it so much. I liked the book when I read it, but I’ve never been able to read this a second time. For some reason the ending just falls flat to me. The first half of the book is stunning and then it just fades. As for other books that are commonly included on these lists that I think are not cyberpunk, Shockwave Rider, The Stars My Destination, Tower to the Sky, Dr. Adder. These books are seminal, to be sure. However each of them is firmly rooted in other genres of SF. I think that each of these is much more a part of the New Wave than cyberpunk. The Stars My Destination predates even the New Wave and while it may be the best SF novel ever written, and while cyberpunk might never have happened without it, this is most definitely not cyberpunk.

---

Ross Winn is a freelance writer, dad, and chauffeur who lives and works in Clearwater Florida. His first novel is Never One to Quit: A Novel About Women and it isn’t cyberpunk either, but it is available on Kindle, iBooks, Nook, and Amazon.

Salt in the wound...

I don’t know what is worse. Loving someone who isn’t smart, or loving someone who refuses to be smart. See I have a friend who is funny, smart, pretty. Most people call her beautiful. Even if that doesn’t have anything to do with the issue I think it’s important to know that she’s not just someone who isn’t important or someone who doesn’t have anything going for her. She has literally everything you could ever want in a friend, in a daughter, in a person. She’s amazing, and I can’t help her. I can’t even have her in my life any more. It hurts, because she refuses to care for herself. She refuses to learn. My only conclusion at this point is that either she is stupid, which I refuse to believe, or she just doesn’t care about herself. Since she isn’t stupid she must not love herself at all. That leaves only me and that isn’t enough.

I refuse to be around people who self-harm. I refuse to be around people who hurt themselves. I refuse to do this because it hurts me.

In case you are wondering, this person is not someone I am dating. She’s just someone I love as a person. A loving, naive, and dangerous person. One of the few people I have allowed to hurt me because I realized that she never did it on purpose. I accepted that she was ignorant, and naive. I tried to teach her how to be a friend. I tried to teach her how to be a person. It was apparent that no one had ever done that before.

If she was stupid I wouldn’t have wasted my time but she’s wicked smart. After watching her refuse to learn yet again I have reached my limit. Allowing her to harm herself will continue to hurt me. I can’t do this any more.

I am not unreasonable...

(This is for all the people in my life who don't listen. So if you are reading this, it probably isn't you.)

I decided this morning, or probably somewhere last night in my sleep that I am not unreasonable. I’ve just reached a breaking point.

I don’t think it is unreasonable to complain when you put yourself first and always put me last.

I don’t think it is unreasonable to be polite, respectful, and concerned but you can’t be bothered to check in once a month.

I don’t think it is unreasonable when I offer help, advice, and support, but you insist on the same mistakes every day.

I don’t think it is unreasonable when you want to flirt and kiss me to feel desired but would rather fuck a stranger.

I’m not being unreasonable if you pick a fight in a public forum and I call you on your shit.

I’m not being unreasonable when you move your business into our home and don’t even ask my permission but tell me after the fact.

I’m not being unreasonable when you make yourself miserable and I tell you.

I’m not being unreasonable when you only call if everyone else in your life is busy.

I’m not being unreasonable when you never pick up the check.

I’m not being unreasonable when I’ve defended you for years and you throw me under every bus.

I'm not being unreasonable when you change your plans and don't tell me.

I’m not being unreasonable, but you are.